Breaking News: The perfect man, who will be respectful and treat me like the queen that Taylor Swift waited 30 years to have

Taylor Swift is taking a break from re-releasing every song she’s already released and a million more “from the vault” to bring us her 10th album (for the first time.)

And you know what that means, I am obliged to word vomit my opinions on each and every track. As an elder millennial (and I would argue, her target demo since we are the same age) I have outgrown her drop everything for a spur of the moment surprise antics.

I full-on missed this album announcement because it happened at the VMA’s, an awards show for Youths that I’ve fully accepted I’m too old for on the same year that she bombards us with this.

And when this album came out at midnight and then another 7 songs were dropped GOTCHA style at 3am, I was snug as a bug in a cozy Queen in a blissful state of REM. I woke up, walked the dog, and listened to the album for the first time in the shower while I got ready for work like

Although I stand by the fact that this woman is a lyrical songwriting genius and deserves her megastardom because of it, I can also admit that releasing every song she’s ever written is getting to be a little overwhelming. Thirteen was a solid album and a feasible amount of tracks for me to pull original commentary out of my ass for this blog.

Twenty is really pushing it and we might have to pop open a bottle of wine to get through it. But I have a job to do here, one that I created for myself nearly 8 years ago with 1989 and by God, I’ll continue to fulfill this duty for the loyal Salties.